I quit my job in the midst of a global pandemic. It felt right for me in the moment, but suddenly I’m wondering whether it was the right choice for my family. With millions of people filing for unemployment—many for the first time in their lives—is an intentional blow to our personal finances a good idea, or just plain stupid?
Justifying my decision is easy. I wasn’t happy, wasn’t doing what I love. And striking a healthy work-life balance had become increasingly difficult. Full disclosure, I’m not the primary breadwinner in my household. I’ve always been grateful for that and realize not everyone can make a bold move in walking away from a reliable source of income, especially during times of such uncertainty. The fact that our youngest is scheduled to begin college in the fall presents plenty of doubt about whether this is my brightest moment, but my gut instinct had been too strong to ignore. Fingers crossed it doesn’t backfire.
One of the silver linings of working remotely for two months is that I’ve had plenty of time to reflect. After shifting my emphasis away from the perks of the job (e.g., a nice salary, good benefits, a short commute and watercooler chitchat with a great group of co-workers), I had narrowed in on the job itself, the nature of the work, and how my current position had strayed so far from my original career plan. The older I get, the more I understand the importance of following your passion. If you’re lucky enough to have that opportunity, why not capitalize on it? Right?
Like most working moms, I strive to set a good example for my children. Ever since my oldest was born more than 20 years ago, I’ve tried to preserve some semblance of my younger self, my identity as it had existed before motherhood. That’s not always easy when you’re putting other people first. As parents, we often run the risk of living vicariously through our children and sacrificing our own hopes and dreams along the way. But is that really the message we want to be sending?
My husband and I have always agreed that our goal is to raise ambitious and kind-hearted children who eventually achieve self-sufficiency and fulfillment through their own hard work. We don’t desire our kids to be so self-centered that they forget about helping others, but we’ve encouraged them to prioritize themselves and never lose sight of their individual goals. Shouldn’t we be following our own advice? As former First Lady Michelle Obama once said, “We need to do a better job of putting ourselves higher on our own ‘to do’ list.”
So, what does that have to do with quitting my job? On its face, it might not be obvious, but I may be making a statement with long-lasting impact. At the age of 53, I’ve finally embraced the joy in saying no, and have given myself permission to walk away from a situation that doesn’t suit me anymore. It’s been a process, and ironically, I probably have a serious medical issue to thank for inciting my newfound freedom. Four years ago, I was diagnosed with breast cancer, which altered my perspective on just about everything. Although I powered through my journey without much disruption, my mindset has shifted and I’m no longer willing to take time for granted. My hope is that my kids learn this lesson earlier than I did, and certainly under different circumstances.
Don’t get me wrong. I’m not urging my children to be rebels, to buck the system and to move through life with little or no regard to consequence or responsibility. I’m simply suggesting they follow their hearts from the beginning, within reason of course, and if they’re lucky enough to have a calling in life, they should listen—closely. As a lifelong people-pleaser myself, I understand that sometimes it’s easier to do what everyone else thinks you should be doing than to pave your own way. But then you run the risk of waking up one day and asking yourself something like:
Am I doing what’s best for ME? And if not, what am I going to do about it?
Thankfully, I’m already beginning to see my two oldest children, both college graduates, digging in for what they believe in with surprising resolve. Our 24-year-old is an elementary school teacher. When she was heading off to college and insisted on immediately declaring elementary education as her major, we encouraged her to begin her freshman year “undecided” to explore other career paths first. We’d heard too many negative stories about how teaching as a profession has changed over the years, not to mention the low earning potential. But she can be stubborn, as most first-borns can, and didn’t follow our advice. Now she’s entering her third-year teaching in a top school district and we can’t get enough of the heart-warming stories she shares about her fourth graders. Check the box. Job satisfaction. We may have unwittingly done something right with this one.
Our other daughter, Class of 2020, is packing her bags as I write this, bound for Chicago to try her hand at inside sales for a growing tech company. We cautioned her about the commission-based position and the high cost of living, but the girl knows what she wants (at least she says she does) and who are we to stand in her way? They’re her dreams, not ours. Another victory lap toward self-sufficiency and independence? Perhaps—and that’s my point. Dreams only belong to the dreamer. Our job as parents is to lead by example and hope our kids catch on to the importance of thinking for themselves.
So, does this mean it was a good time to quit my job? Only time will tell. But I’m thankful for the opportunity to reflect, the ability to make a drastic and much-needed change, and the courage to propel myself into the unknown. That’s precisely what I wish for my children as they move forward into adulthood and the perfect reminder that you’re never too old to claim the top spot on your own ‘to do’ list.
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